Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Results

I just got off of the phone with my doctor and my biopsy results came back malignant. That spot in my liver is cancer.

As I mentioned before, bad things happen to good people. No matter how hard we pray, things don't turn out the way we had hoped.

How do I handle these results? I snuggle into bed with the Big Man and he strokes my hair, he kisses me, and we talk about how I really deserve a puppy. He also tells me the doctors must be wrong- I look too beautiful to be sick.

He is going to take me out to dinner tonight. Somewhere insanely expensive with slow service, cappuccino, and really good dessert. We are going to take a long, long time over dinner. We are going to hold each others' hands like we're afraid we might fall off the side of the earth if we let go. We are going to look into each others' eyes because we don't want to imagine a day when we won't be able to see the face we love so much.

After that dinner, we will be fine. We will be ready to fight. We trust the doctors. The doctors point blank said I have more than just six months or one more year to live.  We are not yet at the stage where we talk time lines and statistics. They believe I still have a very long life ahead of me.

My life is just going to be so terribly difficult. There will be many more tests, and more pain, and many, many, many, many, many more drugs. But tomorrow, we will wake up and the sun will be shining. We will be in love and we will continue with this beautiful thing that we call life.

I may be sick, but I am still alive. Tonight we will cry, but tomorrow, I promise you, I will be smiling.

The Big Man is a saint. I cherish him. He is my angel. We don't deserve this.

So we are off to feel sorry for ourselves. I hope all of you can take tonight and look around at your husbands, wives, children, parents, friends. Hold on a little longer than is usual. Pull someone a bit closer. Thank God for a peaceful evening; not everyone is blessed with one tonight.

43 comments:

Kate L-D said...

Bridget, I'm so so so sorry. Please know you are in my heart and my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Bridget,
Your courage and your optimism inspire me! Hold tight to the Big Man. I'm sending tons of healing thoughts your way. - Vicky M.

Ethan said...

We're thinking of you Bridget. We have a nightly family prayer and you will be be in it until you make it through this. You are an inspiration to us. Enjoy your night out.

Ms. Richmond said...

I am crying as I read this because bad things really, really should NOT happen to good people. Especially good people like you and Alex. At the same time, however, I'm thinking, wow, Bridget is an totally amazing writer! I see a book in your long life ahead of you and I look forward to reading it.

Sending so much love to you both. Let me know if you need anything. (I try to feed the big guy when I get a non-gluten chance...I'll try and make risotto next week...)

Shaina said...

I have tears in my eyes right now, because I am sad but also because of how strong and positive you are staying. I can honestly say you are one of the strongest people "I know".

Enjoy your strong dinner with the Big Man, and toast to the fact that there will be many more to come!

Sue said...

I don't know you Bridget, except from your blog I was introduced to today, from my dear friend, Randy McClammy. You have changed my life. I am praying for you and your love. You are blessed, now go get that puppy you want!

Tina Reed Milnes said...

Bridget,
I know I don't know you well but I am in awe of your strength, hope, and determination. Please know that you have many people praying for you! You are truely inspirational!

melissa said...

Your light shines brighter because of how you handle these things. You turn something frightening and make it enlightening. You are so special - I focus on the "the doctors told me I have alot of life left". So beautiful, thank you for keeping us in the loop

kristeneileen said...

Bridget - sending all the love I have to you & yours. You are the most resilient, optimistic, beautiful young woman I've ever had the pleasure to know, and I believe that your spirit will carry you through this - along with a ton of love from all of us. Hang on, sister. Love, Kristen Salisbury

Danielle said...

I don't know you but a friend told me about your blog. I can't get over how amazingly strong you are and I know you don't know me from anyone but I would really like to talk to you. Please email me. I have something I would like to share with you. danielletrapp (at) gmail.com You are in my thoughts and prayers. You're incredibly right; bad things happen to good people far too often.

Katie Bench Hazelton said...

Hey Bridget - Chris and I are so sorry that the results were not as we all hoped. I know you have a small (probably large :)) army of people supporting you and praying for you - Chris and I among them! You're in our thoughts and prayers every day. Hope to see you soon! xo

Joan said...

This is not going to get you. it is NOT going to win. We won't allow it. If cancer messes with our Bridget, it will be sorry. There are more of us than it and we won't back down. Your girls have your back, don't you ever forget that!

Anonymous said...

Bridget, I don't know you but was introduced to your blog recently. This is SO not the news we prayed for you. Bad things do happen, but if attitude counts you must be due for good things soon. You are an incredible writer and an inspriation. Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way. You don't deserve this.

Megg said...

Bridget - you are braver than I think I will ever be. I'll be thinking of you when I support the Komen 2 Day on May 16th.

alicia said...

Hi Bridget..I was introduced to your blog by a friend, Samantha Williams. Your post tonight was exactly what I needed to remind me again how precious our lives and loved ones are and how quickly things can change. My husband also has cancer and is young (34) we have been in the battle for five months and as he says and we believe...the strong ones are chosen to fight this battle. Please know that we will keep you in our daily prayers and thoughts.
God Bless, Alicia
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/davidpugh76

Carly K said...

Bridget,

sending our thoughts and prayers your way.....

amy said...

A friend posted your blog on my facebook, your big guy is right....doctors don't know much, 7-1/2 years ago I was told I needed a liver transplant in a couple of years.....I am on the list but that was 7-1/2 years ago. It's hard on my husband also, I am lifting you both up in prayer.

Josh said...

Bridget,
So sorry to hear about the results. You and Alex are always in our prayers. Ali and I will be thinking about you.

Dawn Hayes said...

Bridget, you don't know me, but you've met my sister Erin Hayes. She shared your bright spirit and blog with me. You touched her life and mine in a strong way. My heart is sending you and your family much joy and peace.

I encourage you to consider this resource for treatment. Perhaps a different path will bring you more well-being and health. www.dr-gonzalez.com This Doctor has had amazing results and has helped many people cure their cancer.

May your hope and the love of those around you bring you peace and health.

Myrna said...

Dearest Bridget:

my heart is so full of overwhelming love and respect. It is a given that you are in my prayers day and evening. You are far too important role model for you to not be part of this universe. Your bravery supported my an amazing man is beyond words. I can feel his love and your love through your exquisitie and painful words. My love,
Myrna

Peggy said...

Bridget, BUMP ON THE ROAD...that's what this is...just one more annoying bump on the road. I know you will handle with all the grace that you handle everything. We love you and Big Man -- already you both have set such an important lesson of what marriage should be. xoxoxo

Shel said...

We are hopeful and prayerful. We love you. -Shelley, Diane, Dominic, and Christian

Tanya said...

WOW.... I am one of many that has never hugged your neck or said hello in person but have prayed for you and been blessed by your very amazing story. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing. Especially as I sit here all morning being mad over something stupid that my honey did yesterday. Yet each of us woke up this morning and the sun is shinning and both are blessed with our health today. So as I put on "my big girl pants" and get over myself I will spend today being grateful and praying for you and so many more that are still battling the big "C".

Prayer and hugs
Tanya

Bridget said...

Tanya, Thank you for your honesty and sweet sentiments. You put a smile on my face today. Thank you for reading and for taking my words to heart. Enjoy your hubby and your day!

Janna W. said...

I am praying for you Bridget. Stay strong and fight like hell. You don't deserve any of this... but you certainly deserve an amazing dinner and a puppy! You will be in my thoughts & prayers.

alison said...

amazing post... and amazing support I see below. feel the love from all around... sending lots your way. ali

Christina said...

Bridget, in the short time that we have been friends, I just want to tell you what an incredible person you are. You have touched my life already, and I feel so incredibly blessed to know you. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. Thank you for your smile, your laughter and your love. It lights up everyone's lives around you. You have a real gift, and I hope and know with all my might that you will fight this.

Much love to you and your family,
Christy

Leanne...the walker said...

Bridget, I was so sad to read your words last night. This is not what we were praying for, but I am so inspired by your positive attitude. I echo Joan and say that cancer is NOT going to have the last word. My husband and I prayed for you and your big man last night and will continue to lift you and your family up.

breastcancerwalker said...

You are in my prayers and I know you are in the prayers of all your Komen (Boston) 3 Day Walkers. Your courage and grace are inspiration. We are more determined than ever to keep walking and raising money.

Ellyn Davidson said...

You are amazing. Always sending positive vibes in your direction.

Sarah said...

Hi Bridget - haven't seen you in so long, and I'm so sad to hear this news. I'm so sorry you've got another high hurdle to jump, that you won't be able to take your much deserved cancer-cation. It just sucks. On the flipside - I love the name of your blog, and I love that your moxie hasn't been depleated by all this. Your husband sounds incredible and I think you should get that puppy, darnit. Hope dinner was a-mazing and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

Joyce Vura said...

Dearest Bridget,

So sorry to read about your condition..you are an inspiring writer. I will be praying for you and Alex. If you can, please check out this web site www.sanoviv.com Sending you both whispers of my prayers with healing on a continuous thread of hope.

Ms Wysh said...

You are the strongest woman I have ever known. Dan and I are sending tons and tons of thoughts and prayers your way!!! Love, Kristen and Dan

Anonymous said...

Bridget: when I pray for those who need healing, I will pray for you. Your words powerfully touched my heart. I am married to a man who would hold me in bed and stroke my hair, too, and tell me that I, too, am too beautiful to be sick. We, too, would hold hands like we'd fall off the Earth if we let go, and, I think, we too would then get up and face it all together. I am so happy to know you are blessed with an angel of a husband. I clicked on, "All about you." I, too, love Life is Beautiful (SUCH a tribute to great dads), Bruce Springsteen (Thunder Road - - oh!) and The Middle Place, The Help, and The Glass Castle. (If you haven't read Half Broke Horses, you must! It's as good, if not better, than Glass Castle.) I hope I get the pleasure of one day meeting you. I will pray and pray for your health.
Cindy

RRM said...

Bridget I just was introduced to your blog today and i am just so sorry to hear about the lastest hurdle you are facing. What an inspiration you are to everyone and how great for you that you have such a wonderful man in your life to love. I will keep you and your Family in my prayers.

Mrs. Mitchell

Samantha said...

Bridget,
You don't know me, but we have a mutual friend in common---Jarrah! You are a great inspiration to her---and I can see why! Your courage and your grace also inspire me. Please know you are being prayed for daily!! Your attitude is amazing---and I know it will help you through this journey. I have no doubt that this blog is, indeed, giving a courageous and precious voice to other people who are walking through cancer. You are being used in a mighty and powerful way. Hugs from a new friend, Samantha

cat said...

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear this news, but your positive attitude is absolutely incredible. You are an inspiration to everyone around you and even those (like me) whom you've never met. Hang on to that optimism, hug your family close and bring home a puppy to snuggle. (Yes, you totally do deserve a puppy, and so, so much more.) It might not seem like it now, but I believe good things are ahead of you in the long life you are going to live. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Shop Without Money Sisters said...

Bridget,
So sorry for your sucky results. I just dropped in hoping you had gotten some good news. You reminded me again, how life can change in an instant. I am walking in the DC 3-day this year and every time I start feeling overwhelmed, it's blogs like yours that tell me I can do it. You are a true inspiration and I will keep praying for good, good things for you.
Heather

Elicia said...

Bridget,you are an inspiration to all! You and the Big Man are always in my prayers. I hope that I will see you in July at the 3Day to give you a big hug and say thanks!

Anonymous said...

Hi Bridget,
My name is Ashley and I have been a "follower" of you for a couple of years. My parents first met you at a pre 3-Day event, and ever since then we have been following your story, looking forward to good news and praying when there was bad news.
You are such an inspiration to me (along with a ton of others, I can see).
Congrats on your beautiful wedding, Bridget. You deserve EVERYTHING your heart wishes for.
I hope to see you this summer at the Boston 3-Day! Until then, I'll be praying =)

Anonymous said...

Bridget,
You are so amazing! My thought are with you and if you need anything I'm here!
Marci

Anonymous said...

Dear Bridget,
I am Margo Devine's sister, Katy. I just finished volunteering a 12-hr day at our 1st annual golf tournament for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day. Sue and Rick Berkun (on our team) sponsored it. I had the opportunity to speak at the end of the tournament and used the opportunity to talk about our inspiration this year, YOU. I just wanted to let you know that 120 golfers lifted you up in thought and prayer today. I hope they were all made aware of our cause, and I know walked out of there today knowing they were not only part of the Susan G. Komen Foundation, but of the real reason we are fighting for this cause, and thats for YOU, sister! You are in my thoughts and prayers often, and I am soooo honored to be training and walking in honor of you this year!
Love,
Katy Constantinos
Million Dollar Babies!!!!

Emily Anderson said...

wow bridget - the comments on your post are amazing. what a testament to you as a person! i hope all of the words of strength, love, hope and inspiration jump off the screen and embrace you! remember to come back here often and re-read - especially when the going gets tough...there are so many of us out here rooting for you!!!