Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Moving Forward Past Heartbreak

This summer has officially been the hardest season of my cancer journey. After seven years battling, I thought I had seen it all. I thought I could handle anything thrown at me in that doctor's office with grace and power. I thought I had already dealt with and learned how to overcome disappointment and setbacks. I was wrong.

Cancer has taught me several new lessons this summer. Learning has been painful, isolating, discouraging....heartbreaking.

My niece, Annabelle, was born with a full head of beautiful brown hair, brilliant blue eyes, and charmingly fat cheeks on April 5th. I was there to greet her, which was so special! You won't see pictures of baby Annabelle on this blog as she isn't my baby to share with the world, but I must say, she's the most gorgeous baby I've ever seen. I may be biased though.

On April 6th, I spent the sweetest morning ever in Annabelle's hospital room, smelling baby smells, listening to coos and cries, and meeting this new life that magically appeared and completely changed our family dynamic forever. I left the hospital, checked my cell phone and saw a message from my doctor. Cancer has an unpleasant habit of injecting itself right into the middle of every major life milestone - engagements, weddings, babies, holidays. Scan results were back and my cancer was growing, quickly. Change would be needed. Could I get to the hospital at 7am on Monday. Flights home were moved up, Annabelle visits were cut short. I didn't tell the glowing new parents about this news though. This needed to be their weekend. Cancer might ruin my day, but it sure as hell wasn't going to ruin their's!

The plan on Monday was to enroll in a clinical trial. Unfortunately, no clinical trial seats were available. Dr. P thought a trial might open up at the end of the month. For now, she was putting me on an FDA approved drug, Navelbene, that I had been on before.  It had been several years before and I had stopped taking the Navelbene early. We didn't think my cancer had ever grown on it. The cancer hadn't shrunk on Navelebene, but it had stayed stable and the side effects were minimal. This seemed to be a good "place holder" for a month while a clinical trial seat opened up. I wouldn't use up any previously unused FDA approved drugs, we would keep all new drugs in my "arsenal" should we need them in the future, but I wouldn't leave the cancer untreated.

A month went by and no new trial opened up. That was heartbreak number 1.

Everyday I waited by the phone holding my breath, distracted and stressed out and snippy with the husband, hoping beyond hope that this was the day we would get the call. This was the day a trial seat would open. I can only imagine this must be what organ transplant patients go through. I hate it. I never want to experience that kind of long term anticipation and constant disappointment as each day's sun sets again.

Two months go by, a trial seat opens! This trial, however, is not ideal. It is a phase 1 trial of a type of drug called a "protein kinase inhibitor" I had taken a protein kinase inhibitor in a clinical trial setting before and had a very violent reaction. My platelet count fell dangerously low and I was breaking out into bruises all over my body. Just sitting on the couch watching tv, I would stand up and my whole back would be covered in bruises. It was scary. I didn't want those side effects again, but beggars can't be choosers and not all protein kinase inhibitors are created equal, so I jumped in with a smile and both feet!

Enrolling in a clinical trial is harder than getting into Harvard. The patient must first go through a "drying out period." No other chemo drugs for a month. You have to swallow your fear, put all your eggs in this clinical trial basket, and hope your cancer doesn't grow for the next month chemo-free. You then spend the next month going through test after test after test- bone scans, brain scans, lung tests, blood work, blood work, and more blood work. I was at the hospital for days on end getting different tests. Each test was more stressful than the next.

Finally the big day is here. Somehow we've made it to July, I've barely blinked or had time to wrap my head around this, and I'm still not being treated with any drugs! I am sitting in my gorgeous peach hospital gown, freezing cold in the AC, excited to start my new lifesaving clinical trial. The doctor comes in to review the last round of blood work and perform the last exam before that priceless drug can enter my bloodstream. As she is going through the blood work, we get to the last page of like 6 pages of results. She suddenly stops, "hmmmmmm"s, looks at me, looks back at the computer screen, frowns. Turns out, my liver function has dropped over the past month of no chemo because the cancer in my liver has grown. One little liver output - billirubin - that rarely changes and we rarely look at has gone up drastically. My billirubin has disqualified me from the clinical trial.

I struggle not to cry. I struggle not to scream. I struggle not to strangle Dr. P right there in the exam room.

She quickly calls in reinforcements and starts looking through her email and on the clinical trials website for another option. All options require my billirubin to be lower. I am officially a clinical trial reject. I can't enroll in anything. It is back onto drugs that are designed, not to kill, but to (hopefully) keep things stable.

After all this waiting, all this hoping, all this sitting by the phone.

I can't handle it. I shut down. The disappointment is too much. I am sick and tired of being cancer girl. I am paralyzed. Every time I think about my cancer now, I cry. I break down. I am shedding tears on my keyboard now as we speak. I have reached my limit. My Big Girl Pants can only stretch so far. A girl can only handle so much. I can handle no more.

I don't call my friends. I stop my blog. I don't want to talk about how I'm doing. I'm not doing well.

I throw myself into work - where I am anonymous. Where I am judged, not by my liver output, but instead by things that are within my control. I flourish at work. Work makes me calm. Work makes me normal.

I throw myself into caring for my husband, who is struggling perhaps even more than I. He can't make this better. The drugs do not keep things stable. My tumor markers rise from 200 to 500 to 600 to 6,000 to 8,000. Big Man can only watch as I lose my appetite and get skinnier and skinnier.  I struggle to catch my breath when I walk the dog because the lesions in my lungs are getting larger.  I wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain in my side from my enlarged and painful liver. Every day I feel new swollen glands, in my neck, in my belly, in my groin. The cancer is in control. I can't get on a trial, what can I do? I can bake him birthday cake. I can cook him 5 course dinners. We can watch movies together and go out to long silent dinners together and just spend time clinging to one another.

But this life is not good. A life revolving around work and caring for the home is good, but is not enough. We need friends, we need to come out from the shadows and share. We can't keep this news to ourselves forever.

I am starting to call friends. I am keeping engagements. I am trying.

Last week, even though I was getting over a major chemo-induced bout with Thrush, which is a horrible virus I don't recommend any of you contract if you can help it, I insisted upon keeping a long standing Annabelle visit. It was hard traveling when I wasn't 100%.  It was also scary to travel when every single person around me seemed to be coughing and sneezing and touching things nearby. I hate traveling with cancer, but I realize now that I can't keep doing what I'm doing or I'm going to keep getting what I've got. I am sad. I cry a lot. I am missing fun summer things. I have to move forward.

I am so glad I traveled. The latest chemo drug we are trying to get my cancer under control is making me lose my hair again. I only have about 3 months worth of hair growth, but it is hard won and has done a lot to boost my self esteem. My hair is starting to fall out again. Hair is everywhere. Taking showers is depressing. The last of my eyelashes fell out on Sunday.

But when you get a spit-filled, toothless grin from your niece at 7am as she greets you in her crib smelling all baby-ish, when she looks at you, and recognizes you, and knows that "this girl is fun! I know you! It's time to have fun today...." That 4 month old grin wipes away all the pain and sadness and hair loss. When you are showered with 4 month old Annabelle smile, you feel like the most gorgeous girl in the world - hair loss be damned.

I want to have more of those lifetime moments. I want to have more moments of belly laughter around a dinner table with friends. I want to have more late nights of card games with my sister in law. I want more Annabelle smiles. Even if I feel sick, there are things I can do and should do. I was able to make that trip home. I want to plan more of them. Even though I'm crying over the keyboard, I am perfectly capable of sharing with all of you, and I know that you will lift me up, and somehow magically make me feel better as you always do with your support and love.

So here I am, this is my coming out party. Things are going well these days. This has been hard. But I am moving forward, and I am insisting on focusing on and planning more wonderful, happy lifetime moments. I am hopeful that this latest drug regimen - Herceptin, Docetaxol, and Perjeta - is THE drug regimen that stops all of these painful cancer-induced side effects. I am hopeful that I will start to feel like myself again, even if I am my bald self. I am hopeful that I will have many more Annabelle visits and that I can watch her start to sit up on her own and crawl, which she is dying to do!

I am going to start living life again.

Thanks for being patient with me as I struggle with this. I care about all of you very much.


Kate (This Place is Now a Home) said...

Oh, Bridge. Thinking of you so much. There are no words to tell you how incredible you are.

Debi said...

Bridget, you are in my prayers, being lifted up on eagle's wings with love and encouragement. You're courage and tenacity is remarkable, and I weep tears with you as I read what you share. Know that you are an inspiration to so many, that your life is worth saving and makes such a difference to so many. I wish I could give you health, peace and joy ... but I can give you prayers for these and much love to you and the Big Man.

Unknown said...

I met you at a welcome meeting last year for the Boston SGK 3Day and I saw you again leaving closing ceremonies. You are such a beautiful inspiration. I tell people about this beautiful strong woman I met on those occasions. You, my dear, have a wonderful spirit and sometimes we all feel defeated, but you get up, you make meals, you make plans, and you pull up your big girl pants. :) I will see you at the welcome meeting next January and I will see you again at the next walk. My love and prayers to you. Keep strong. One foot in front of the other, and my favorite motto from the walk... Limping is still walking. Hugs. Jenn

Heidi said...

Your journey is so inspirational. I appreciate your honesty and think that sharing this with the world is THE MOST AMAZING contribution for humankind. I wish you huge adventures and lasting memories with every single step.

Win said...

With tears in my eyes and a heavy heart I lift you and your husband up in prayer.

Thank you for having the courage to share.

Terri said...

Your speech at the DC 2010 3 day event touched me in a way that no other ever has. You are an inspiration to so many people. I will be praying for you, your husband and your family. My mother in law always said life is about making memories. So live life, make memories and know you have the support and love of so many people the world over.
Sending cyber hugs.

Julie said...

I've met you twice at 3-Day events and exchanged a couple of emails (that were very important and special to me) with you, but because of this blog I feel like you are a friend. I'm sending you and Big Man extra special hugs. Your tenacity is inspiring.


Donna said...

Thank you for sharing your story and your courage. You are so strong and such an inspiration! You go girl! :) You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers

Kris said...

Too many beautiful young women are battling this scourge. That is why I find every possible way to help defeat cancer.

I am amazed at your courage and resilience. Please know that you are not alone in this - you have friends you don't even know who are praying for you and enveloping you with warm, healing thoughts. I am one of those.

Lee G. said...

There are so many of us pulling for you.You are such a source of strength to so manyYour trip to Cleveland this summer was a great inspiration to all of us.
Thank you for the honesty. Your courage never fails to amaze us all.

Island girl said...

Bridget, You are an amazing woman and I think of you often. When I saw you along the boston 3 day it just lit up my heart, you are such in inspiration to so many people. I pray that soon there will be an answer to all your prayers ( ours too)!! You have a beautiful gift of being able to light people up from the inside, while you feel your darkest. Bless you Bridget!! Keep living life and tell that cancer to suck a big one!! LY

Wendy said...


I had checked your blog a couple of weeks ago and saw no updates so I've been keeping you and your family in my thoughts since then. Sorry to get this kind of update but applaud your courage which is such an inspiration. I hope that things get easier soon. I'm glad that the little things are bringing you joy. You deserve every minute of it! There are so many people who love and support you, me included. I hope that helps to lift your spirits as well.


Heather A said...

I hardly know what to say. I'm still in shock from what you've written. If I'm in shock, I can't begin to imagine the phases you've been through even though you've made a valiant attempt to describe them.

I send prayers of hope for you and as I sometimes say and even more often think ... "F_ _ K CANCER!"

Patty Mellon said...

4Bridget - I think of you each and every day. I know silence from you is never a good sign and have been so worried. Thank you for sharing. You are so loved and supported. Your friends are all here and would do anything for you. No one should have to live what you are living through. Keep living, keep engaged and keep sharing. Many hugs and much love is being sent your way.

Mommy Renaud said...

Bridget, We have never met and your story today has moved me to tears!!!! I am praying for you Darlin!!!! Keep strong and Positive!!! Lots of Love!!!

addiemaeweiss said...

Darn! I hate how cruel things are for you right now!!! I hate that there is nothing anyone can do to make it better!!

I am glad to hear from you - hard as it is. I hope you get years of Annibelle smiles and more.

Hoping for such things as miracles and wishing for answered prayers. Hang in there and bless you for being strong and doing the best with what you've got! Hugs

Liliana Holtzman said...

Oh, dear Bridget, I cannot tell you how many times I thought of you this summer; how many times I sent you love and good wishes.
You are the bravest, sweetest, funniest girl in the world.
I hope this drug regimen works.
I send you all that is best in this world.

Unknown said...

Dear Bridget, I am speechless. I knew you were anxious about your dr's appt after the 3-Day. You are such a strong person & have been my inspiration since the first day we met. I pray for you & your husband constantly. Please tell me how I can help. With love, Cathy Pepe

Andrea said...

Thank you for sharing. You are in my prayers. I am amazed by your courage and positive outlook. Keep living, not existing - but living, loving, and enjoying.

Jess said...

Thinking of you Bridget.

Anonymous said...

By sharing your story, you are contributing to the cure. That is a blessed thing.

I often wonder about the frailty of life, and how much intense joy and anguish we, who walk so lightly on this world, are able to experience in one lifetime.

I am sending you prayers for God to be your strength and healing.

When you cry, a little of each of us cries too.


Ruth said...

My heart goes out to you. You are a true inspiration and fighter. By enduring the clinical trials, you have opened many doors for future breast cancer patients. I am also a breast cancer patient, but I'm not as strong and brave as you. Enjoy your life, laugh with friends, cook some wonderful dinners, send kisses to your niece and hold on tight to your husband. We'll do the praying! Smile, my dear friend, you have given us all hope. Sending you love and prayers.

Anonymous said...

We love, love, love, love, love you. We love you. You are so loved! (P.S. Get yourself a fabulous wig that emphasizes your beautiful eyes and be the beautiful, strong woman that you are meant to be.)

Meghan said...

I met you at last year's SGK Boston 3Day and was so inspired by your story. After the walk someone shared the link to your blog with me and I have been hooked ever since. My birthday is April 6th so I was hoping and praying after your last entry that you would get your wish to meet your baby niece. I kept checking the site to see if there was a new entry that I had missed but didn't find one. I was relieved to see your smiling face at this year's 3Day. It pains me to hear how much you have been struggling. You are one of the bravest people I know (even though I don't really "know" you). You continue to amaze and inspire all of us and for that reason, I am certain you will have more opportunities to savor the good things in life like sweet Annabelle's first words. Thank you so much for finding the courage to share all of this with us. Hugs, prayers, & kisses! Meghan

Mandi said...

Bridget, I am so sorry to hear about the heartbreak you have gone through. You write beautifully and I hope the best for you in your latest chemo regimen. *hugs from Utah*

Kristi Thomsen said...

You are an amazingly strong woman. Thank you for sharing your story. Every night, my five year old daughter and I say our prayers. You my dear, have been added to our list of special people to pray for.

Karin said...

My daughter and I were just wondering how you were over the weekend... Keeping you and the Big Man in my prayers and thoughts as I always do. You have amazing strength & courage Bridget. We will keep fighting for you sweetie. Stay strong - much love and hugs, Karin

Jennie said...

Bridget - You are amazing. I am praying that your new drug regimen frees you from pain, and gives you the energy that you need to continue to fight. I am proud to know someone like you, and I look forward to your next entry, when we can hear about your visits with your niece, and all of the good things that you are going to do. I believe in the power of prayer, and I know that you have thousands of messages to God going up, up, up. Much love to you and your husband from Maryland.

Karen B. said...

Bridget - thanks so much for your blog and for updating all of us on where you are in your bc journey. You truly are an amazing and inspiring woman. I wish your news was better, but I am glad to hear you are still sporting your big girl pants. Keep up the fight!!


Domani said...

Sending a virtual hug and lots and lots of very positive energy and thoughts your way! Thank you for sharing your journey! I'm sure it gives you strength, and I'm also sure it gives many others strength as well! <3

Terry B said...

Bridget - Thank you so much for sharing with us again! I think of you so often and pray for you and your husband all the time. I was so worried when there were no updates. I would search the internet and 3 Day blogs for "sightings" of you. I'm not a stalker, really : ) Just care about you so much!!

I pray that these drugs get things under control and that your miracle treatment is just around the corner!!!

I am walking Philly this year and will be thinking of you with every step!!!

Unknown said...

I'm so sorry Bridget. I knew it had been a while since we had heard from you and I was afraid things were bad. You really are an inspiration...but that doesn't make it better for you, I know.

I will be thinking of you and your family. Comfort and peace to you.

Dinah said...

Dear Bridget, Thank you for sharing. You are so brave. Sending thoughts of peace and love to you and your husband.

mwirth said...

Hi Bridget, I just read every entry in your entire blog and wanted to thank you for being such an amazing inspirational woman. Your honesty is remarkable and truly touched my heart. I will keep you in my prayers.

~Kristin Lynn~ said...

Dearest Bridget,

I absolutly needed to read your post this evening. Amazingly, you wrote it on my birthday (aug 28) The day I turned 38. I have been struggling with Stage 4 BC sinc Feb 2010 now. Until Jan 2011 things just got worse and worse. I have bone mets. The tumors are EVERYWHERE in the bone. The worst I have been has seen me partially paralized, but thankfully we switched to a testosterone therapy, of all things, this past january. Thankfully that brought my markers down from 688 to 41 in 18 weeks. Unfortunatly, They had gone back up over 100 the last check, (which is done every 6 weeks) I knew they would be up though as the bone pain had started to come back with a vengance. I have felt SO alone in this battle. I am SO happy to have found you. If you ever need to talk, PLEASE don't hesitate to give me a call or email. You are SOOOO very BRAVE! I KNOW THIS SUCKS!!! I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. You are one of the VERY FEW people I know that are qualified to say the same thing about myself. You and your family are in my prayers. I pray that the Lord will guide your dr's to treat you with the therapies that will be MOST beneficial and killing off this invader. Keep your head up as much as you can! Be sure to rest as much as you can girl. You deserve it!!! BUT you MUST get back up, dust off and keep fighting. :)xoxoxo

You can find me on facebook at kristin's weight-loss page
the actual user name is facebook.com/isabodybeautiful
my email k neuberger @ gmail (no spaces)

Anonymous said...

Oh Bridget... This is so unfair. Thinking about you!!!

Elicia said...

My sweet Bridget, I know I don't have to tell you what an inspiration you've been since the day I met you at that Get Started Meeting in Milford, MA some six years ago ----- but you are! I was impressed at the way you carried yourself and with the courage you possessed in telling your story to a room full of strangers. I didn't think I could be any more proud to have met you then or each time I got to share a yearly 3Day hug with you, BUT I AM! You have earned the right to be sad and even cry, however, please try to keep your chin up.....keep moving forward.....keep making memories.....and keep making plans. You are like a daughter to me and I wish I could take away your pain and worries so you can live the life that you SO deserve. I loved seeing you in Framingham and am very happy to have gotten my hug. If you ever want to come out to "the country" for a quiet day you just let me know and we'll get together. Hugs, prayers and much love to you, Alex and puppy Daisy (I hope I remembered her name) from all of the Fernalds.

We love you,

Rowena said...

Bridget, I just wanted you to know that I think about you all the time and you are in my prayers. I can't even begin to imagine the struggles you face on a day to day basis and have always been so amazed by your strength. You ARE strong- I know there must be times went you don't feel like you are but you are the very essence of strength. You have the courage and strength to live your life while fighting cancer. Don't ever think for a second that you're not strong enough for this fight- because everything that happens and everything you experience will make you recognize how brave you are to continue being YOU. Sending you tons of XOXO from California!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing again. I feared that your silence meant more bad news and struggles. You have been in my prayers. I won't be walking in the Phoenix 3 Day this year, but do often think of you with gratitude for inspiring me last year and continuing to inspire me daily when I face trials. I am so happy you got to meet your niece. Babies and puppies have magical healing powers, I think. So cuddle both Daisy and Annabelle every chance you get. You and your loved ones are in my prayers. Thank you for making a difference in my life.

Unknown said...

So many people have made such heartfelt comments. I'll be brief in mine.

I hope I word this correctly.

I don't personally know cancer, I don't have any family or friends touched by it either. On Sunday September 30th there is a race for the cure 5k here in PR.
I'm running it because of you, because I stumbled across this blog and read your story, and for as long as I can I'll participate and look for ways to help.
Because of you.
Because you are sharing your story.
Thank You Bridget

Anonymous said...

Thank you Bridget for continuing to share. Perhaps the thought that your new and perfect baby niece is a part of you may give you some comfort when your own parts are aching.
My wife is on the same journey as you at about the same stage so I will keep you in my prayers when I pray for her.

Anonymous said...


I stumbled on your page through a long chain of clicking from one blog to another in search of solace in the face of my mom's metastatic breast cancer.

I admire your writing, your honesty, your courage, your ability to articulate your feelings, your strength. I can only hope that when I'm facing challenges as tough the ones that you are facing that I will be able to face them as honestly and with as much grace as you do.

Although my mom is much older than you, I know that some of the things you have and are struggling with are things that she faces, too. Thank you so much for helping me as a loved-one and caregiver get a little bit of insight so that I can do a better job of helping my mom.

I am going to devour all of your previous posts...and the ones to come.

I wish you weren't going through this. My best to you and your family.


Unknown said...

Bridget, I have missed your voice on this blog. I'm so so sorry that the last few months have been so awful. If you ever want to grab a coffee, I'll bring my bald head along and we can make everyone else feel silly for having hair. Hope to see you Oct 20?

Anonymous said...

I just discovered your blog and I just want to say that I am in awe. You have remarkable poise, dignity and courage. I am heartbroken for you and yet at times I find myself envious of your love for life. You are not dying, you are living. And you are doing more than that. You are inspiring ME to live.

Thank you for your bravery and your honesty. I pray to God that I can have the same strength and inner beauty day to day, let alone in the face of cancer.

Anonymous said...

I met you at the LIFE Event several years ago and have been following your blog. You are such a strong and amazing person and an inspiration. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Michelle Frame said...

Just read your update and am so glad to see your post. I had been very worried. I too am a stage 4 breast cancer warrior for about 2 years. You really inspire me and give me hope!
Don't know if you have read anything about Liposomal vitamin c but I took it while on chemo and never had a problem with being sick. My oncologist also told me about a clinical trial where they added IV Vitamin C to chemo. Right now I make my own (found instructions on YouTube) and while my kids get sick I stay well. My doc says it certainly can't hurt and what do I have to loose? Praying for you everyday!

kjl said...

Praying for you, Bridget. You are amazing, and God is using you in an incredible way to touch the lives of SO many people. I pray that He will be your Healer and Comforter.

Marcy Clubb said...

tjeymcseBig Girl, I can only imagine what you're going through. Am a 2x breast cancer survivor, BRCA1+, whose 23yo daughter was diagnosed in 2010. My heart goes out to you and your mom and all of your friends. I have to say you've motivated me to get out there a bit more and speak to this nasty, nasty disease that is striking more and more young women every day. I'll look into the Komen 3 day walk and see what's happening in the St. Louis area. Peace be with you and your family as you struggle, and make peace with what is happening to you. My blog is at www.caringbridge.org/visit/cancermamahascancer2.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for several years, and I love your beautiful words and even more beautiful spirit. I'm rooting for you and praying for comfort and healing to come your way.

Anonymous said...

Bridget, just read your blog for the first time today. I love you for all of your words of hope and courage. Thinking of you.

Ashley said...

Bridget, I heard you speak at the DF Young Women's Cancer Seminar a couple of years ago, and then stumbled upon your blog about a year ago. I am cheering you on along with everyone else. You are one of the people I am running for in the Komen 5K on Oct 20. You are truly an inspiration to us all.

Sonja Rizzo said...

Bridget - came across your story from a Susan G. Komen email. My mother-in-law also has stage IV breast cancer. A friend who used alternative treatments for her Stage IIIc breast cancer helped us start a plan with diet changes and supplements. My MIL's markers went down after only 2 weeks and went down again at the 6 week check. I have learned so much in the past couple of months about the relationship of diet to cancer. I urge you to look into alternative treatments - there are so many out there but a very easy one to get started is Bill Henderson's plan outlined here: http://educate-yourself.org/cancer/How%20To%20Cure%20Almost%20Any%20Cancer.pdf It's a horrible title in my opinion but the information is good and the food and supplements are safe and have worked for many, so it's worth a try. The cottage cheese/flax oil mixture sounds crazy but it is healthy food and people swear by it. Also, no sugar/dairy (except for the cottage cheese)/wheat/alcohol. Lots of veggies - preferably organic. Feel free to email me if you are interested in more information. People have cured themselves from all sorts of cancer stages - there is hope!

Anonymous said...

Your bravery inspires me. May this holiday season be willed with peace and joy for you and your loved ones.

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